Words Of My Heart
Jim Keller


I am a very new member to Motherheart and wanted to express my gratitude to all the members of this wonderful forum. I would like to share some thoughts with all of you regarding Kim's recent e-mails (breathing and love/chronic illness/pain): When I think of motherheart, I think of the heart of the mother, i.e., the heart of the mother in each of us. The heart beats, circulates warmth and sustains us with every breath that we take. The heart beats moment to moment and asks nothing in return, not even that we notice or care about it. And what might happen if we really would notice or care? Perhaps with some heart-felt attention, the physical heart would reveal its deeper purpose. Perhaps its oneness with the soul or its connection to other hearts would be revealed. Just a little attention, some soft awareness, a feeling of gratefulness for having a heart...and moment by moment, day by day, allowing the heart to live its life. And then the pain, followed by the fear, followed by still more pain. And then the mind enters and attempts to make sense: Why was I chosen to have this pain, this shortened life, will there be still more pain...Will I ever find a remedy? And the heart keeps beating, moment by moment, unaware of the mind. And to become aware of the beat, the breath and the gratitude for having a heart. And even when there is no gratefulness, the heart still beats, and in that awareness...the wonder of it all. From the apparent chaos of the mind to the soft ordered drumming of the heart. Just a little attention; perhaps soft awareness. Thank you for listening to these thoughts from my heart.

Kim: Thank you very much for your last e-mail (Re: Thank you/ re: chronic illness). I appreciated your candor and deeply felt your emotion. As human beings we have all experienced physical and emotional pain. Some of us have only had a small taste, others have had gulps, and still more gulps. And you certainly have had some grand gulps that have jarred you to the core of your being and even caused you to question your own identity. (Under different circumstances, identity questioning might be actually an intriguing pursuit!) May I ask: what is the nature of your physical pain? What seems to help? Have you tried dialoguing with the pain. Is there any particular prayer practice that you have used? I look forward to hearing from you.


I wanted to talk a little about prayer. The subject of prayer has grown to be one of my favorite topics. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe, since spirituality has become a more important focus in my life, prayer, the connecting mechanism, (how scientific!), takes more of my attention and interest. It's a wonderful topic, and the more I practice, the more difficult to becomes to express in words what prayer means to me. Ironically, the prayer process and the fruits of prayer become more potent when I set aside the "figuring it all out" part. Anyway, here are some thoughts on prayer:

Prayer can certainly be one of the most powerful ways of cultivating a stronger foundation and discovering a deeper dimension in our lives. For me, prayer is a deeply personal and creative process. It can happen late a night as I lay in bed and whisper secrets into the ear of God, or it can even happen in front of the computer terminal with a blank page in front of me. The strongest prayer seems to come when I have no idea of what I'm going to say; when I walk quietly, agenda less into the process. And sometimes this happens when I'm up against a wall with an issue in my everyday life. When I haven't the foggiest idea of how to proceed and I've fallen down and convinced I'm broken and beyond repair, prayer can be quite potent. And a catalyst that precedes potent prayer appears to be this unwillingness to proceed and this grand unknowingness. Of course it's not always this way. One does not have to be brought to one's knees to encourage the presence of powerful prayer. But sincerity seems to be an important attitude in the process. Also, a prayer without petition appears to be stronger. When the mind is soft and even vacant (I have a decided advantage in this area!), prayer begins. When prayer comes less from the mind and more from the heart, prayer can be quite powerful. So, what about faith! It's been my experience that faith in God, Christ, Buddha or Whomever is not a prerequisite to bring about meaningful prayer. Faith, or an inner knowingness or belief, does, however, play a role in the practice of prayer: The more I do it, the more I become confident in the process and the more easily it comes about. Anyway, I'm growing weary with all this analysis! Let's do a prayer. And again I, Jim the mind, is not doing it, but only encouraging the process...allowing...letting go of all outcome....


Dear Father, Mother, allow me to be in your Presence. Permit me to be in your presence, so that you are felt in my heart. Touch my heart with your living light, that I might live and breathe and see with my heart. Light the kindling in the hearth of my heart. Let the warmth from my heart be felt and seen. Let the light from my heart shine like a torch to reveal each step on my path. May I be free from distraction and temptation. May I sacrifice my life to reveal your living Spirit in my heart. And in this revealing, shed my negative aspects in exchange for true freedom as a worthy son, as your Presence is engendered in my heart. Thank you Father and Mother for hearing my words.

Thank you all so much for allowing me to share this with you. Happy Thanksgiving! Many thanks for your response regarding your symptoms. Sometimes, the healthiest thing anyone can do is honestly describe what is happening to them and how they feel about it. This forum allows, perhaps, a more open avenue to express your true feelings. Many times, friends and relatives are uncomfortable, and not sure what to do with honestly expressed feelings. So I encourage you to "let it flow" on the internet. I deeply feel your feelings as you express with such beautifully chosen words. You have touched my heart and you are certainly in my deepest prayers and meditations. I have some other things I would like to say but am running out of time right now. Will talk again to you soon. Love and Peace-Jim

Dear Kim, Thank you for your recent E-mail. I know what you mean about how hard it is to speak with family and friends about God and other spiritual stuff. Most of my life, I've felt very spiritually isolated. I'm very fortunate that my wife and I are on the same spiritual wavelength and that we have a close group of friends that we meet with weekly to socialize, meditate and pray. ( I am almost 50 now, and I remarried 3 years ago to a caring, loving lady, after long difficult marriage of 17 years). But I remember going to church as a kid and later in life and thinking: What is all this, I don't know if I believe in God or not, but I certainly don't agree with all the dogma and the phony pretenses. Somehow, especially over the last 3 years, I've developed more of an interest in personal prayer, meditation and a deep sense all we experience and "know" in life is not all there"is" to life....I offer this prayer...

Dear God. Allow the light in your heart to lighten my life. Allow this light to fill my heart, flow through my body to nurture, sustain and and heal any condition that impairs Your purpose in me. Dear God. I allow myself to be a vessel and pathway for your divine presence: your wisdom, compassion, clarity and goodwill. Although I feel, myself, that I can do little to improve my conditions, with your Will, I know that it can be done. I consciously surrender all of my understanding of how this will be accomplished to Your divine knowingness. I hold this message peacefully in my heart. Amen.

Anyway, I do enjoy meditating and praying. Can't think of anything else to say for now.

Take Care. Peace and many blessings-Jim.

Sorry I missed your tel call today (yesterday). I will try to call you at work tomorrow (today for you). Just finished a several day visit with both Melanie and Julie. Am doing more "prayer" work on the internet. The recent work Sheilah and I are doing with Sananda is very strong and deals with, of course, more direction and encouragement to deal with all of our "negative" aspects and to practice feeling our true, divine selves. As challenging as this is, I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing at this time. Speaking of prayers, I would like to offer this one for you:


Our divine Mother is waiting in our hearts. She is waiting patiently to be discovered. When will we feel her? When will we notice the gently beating of her heart? We will feel her presence when we recognize that our heart was really her heart all along. When will she come to us? When we dare to take a quiet step in her direction. When will we feel her loving embrace? When we open our heart to our mind and gently embrace all aspects of ourselves. And how do we do this when we don't think we can? We cultivate a quiet yet firm resolve in the garden of our heart. A resolve so strong and pure. And when the mind speaks and says that we're not worthy enough, or it's not quite time, we thank the mind; then softly return to the sanctuary in our heart. Again and again, to return to the heart. Again and again, thanking the mind for its thoughts....Thank you Father in Heaven and Mother in my Heart.


Heidi-Thanks for your E-mail. One of my daughters, Melanie goes to San Francisco State and she was involved in a project to help the homeless. So, with some classmates she went to one of those downtown parks to pass out food and clothing to a group of homeless people. She recalled a particular poignant moment when she handed an article of clothing to an older man. And the moment was kind of frozen in time as she extended her arms holding the garment...and when the man received the gift and the look in his eye....Who really was the giver and who really was the receiver. Their roles were willingly exchanged by perhaps an "unseen" presence. A glimpse of the divine is all it takes. And in your letter...to hand over something, a burden, a trouble to God...reminded me of my daughter's experience. That the act of handing something can be so sacred. And to hand something to God. Could there be a greater act? Mother Meera once said, and I'm paraphrasing, A mother once received a gift from her little child...It was a stick and a small stone. The mother didn't care so much what the gift was, only that the gift was given, and in the giving that the child thought of the mother. Very powerful stuff! And again to hand something to God. Something that perhaps is very precious, e.g., a "negative aspect", a "burden". Very powerful stuff! Many blessings-Jim

Dear Elizabeth-Thank you again for this great commune in cyberspace! I've only been a member for a few days, yet I feel like it's been a long time. A few minutes ago I surfed over to a web site called: "Simply Flowing As Divine Love". I enjoyed your essay, in particular the section discussing "letting go". An exciting subject, "letting go". >From your brief bio at the bottom of the page, and your spirit conveyed by and between your words I felt a certain kinship with you. > To expand on my brief bio I submitted to Motherheart, I have been on a formal spiritual trek for some time. I have most recently, over the past seven years, been a personal student of "Emaho", who is a native American shaman. His simple, "middle way" teaching combines Western and Eastern mystical traditions: He studied with Nat. Americans, Australian aborigines, and spent much time receiving empowerments from a Buddhist llama. His actual teaching consists of the spoken word and the "fire dance" to open chakra centers and to put fire into the heart. For the past two years, I have also followed the teachings of the ascended masters (Maitreya, Sananda, etc). > > On the "letting go", I would like to offer this:


When I think of letting go, and when I take these to words into my heart, I see a large bundle on my back. The bundle has been on my back for so, so very long, I barely know it's there. Yet when I relax and close my eyes I can envision what it must be like to see life somehow differently. To see and live from a different perspective. Maybe there is a connection...between this new way of being...and the bundle on my back, the burden on my back. Maybe if I could see what I was carrying, maybe just a peek would do it...If I really knew what I was carrying...maybe that would help. Then I say, you know, my burden's not so great; I'll just carry it a little longer, no problem. And besides, I carry it so well! I'm a pro at carrying my stuff. Why look inside?, I know what I'm about. My bundle's not nearly as heavy as other people's bundles...And still I'm just a little curious about what it would be like to be without a bundle. What would an unburdened life feel lik! e? It would be light, I suppose. And I suspect that my notion of "me' would be quite different. I wonder what God has to do with all of this? I really wonder...I wonder if God would be interested in my bundle...I wonder if God would be willing to help me look at the contents. And maybe, just maybe, be willing to receive these items as a gift...I wonder, I really wonder... > > Many blessings and much love, Jim Dear Elayne-I enjoyed your recent E-mail (to everyone) very much. I'm so happy to have you as part of the group. I'm sorry I can't help you on your dissertation topic as I can't think of anything I know, in a formal way, about this subject. I would like to contribute something on the subject of gender and spirituality:


As a heterosexual male, I have noticed, particularly over the last several years, that my identification with the male gender is not as keen as it once was. That is, I once felt like I had to defend the "male point of view" and act accordingly. Now, however the line between male and female, in me/and accordingly in the outside world, appears to be dissolving. The reason for this may come from recent accelerated spiritual practices consisting of prayer, meditation and contact with special teachers. For me, when I am able to relax and sink into my heart, I feel like I am in touch with a very feminine energy-the Divine Mother perhaps. When I'm in this energy or a part of this energy, I feel very vulnerable and sensitive. But here's the fascinating thing which is also quite paradoxical: This energy or heart state is also quite potent and powerful. And this power is something that so many males yearn for. But if power comes from the mind, or surges up from the hormones, its qualities are out of balance: crass, domineering, egotistical, cruel and even dangerous. When power is engendered in the heart, there is in contrast, a peaceful sovereignty. And this, of course, is a heartfelt energy or presence to be experienced by anyone who consciously undertakes a spiritual practice of the heart.


A dry well has the unique ability to be refilled with precious water. Our lives appear dry at times. But as we covet the objects of our needs and desires in the external world, we carry within us, deep in our hearts, the Life-nurturing essence that knows what the Soul knows and knows that life experiences will truly bring balance and union to the mind and the heart. And the life-essence is an extension or emissary of the soul and its divine mission is to be discovered. And how to discover this ineffable presence? Look deep into the heart and feel its kindness, warmth and light. To peer into the heart...just for a while. To discover the kindness..to discover the goodness. So close.., closer than the breath....Not even a heartbeat away.

Dear Heidi-I was just reading some of the bios that Elizabeth sent. Wow, that's a lot of material to digest! Anyway, in answer to your questions: I am a home care nurse, work for two registries, and am assigned to work in the homes of the clients (patients). I am currently working with a 13 y.o. boy with muscular dystrophy, two younger boys with cerebral palsy, a 7 y.o. girl with seizure disorder, and a 35 y.o. man with severe brain trauma. It is challenging work and I receive at least as much as I give.

Now, as to the photon belt: Apparently, according to the Ascended Masters and others, we are fast approaching a very special time in the history of the Earth. Many people are feeling an acceleration in "energy", a "quickening", in which we are being introduced to 4th and 5th dimensional energies-as opposed to the 3rd dimension (physical plane existence). This quickening is to soon culminate in the arrival of the photon belt from outer space. This belt will apparently transform the Earth into a higher dimensional state. For some people this will shift them into a higher state as they remain on "Earth" and for other people it will cause them to cross over (die) to reincarnate elsewhere. As we approach this point (approx year 2000), there will be an increase in crime, civil unrest, possible economic collapse, etc. (More darkness will be manifested, exposed, to ultimately be transmuted by the Light.) Although this is about 3 years away, with the accelerations in energy and time as well, it will seem like only 1.5 years. Time will/is collapsing in upon itself to reveal no time-an eternal now as experienced in these higher dimensions. Now, what do I think about all of this? I have no idea! I mean, this is really some earth shaking material, pun intended. Maybe it's one big, fat divine lie, a trick-the purpose being to shock us into deep, profound spiritual work. I can honestly say that one of my biggest blocks to spiritual growth is my own complacency. I really don't know what the real truth is.. But we'll all soon find out! I have heard what you heard about Ramtha. I think it's not so much about channeling as it is about the message. I'm sure there are a lot of entities and spirits out there, many of whom are extremely psychic and knowledgeable. But the question to deeply ask is: What is their intent, what is there agenda, and/or hidden agenda? I have never heard or felt anything from the Ascended Masters that was not of divine love, and their underlying theme and message is to aid us in revealing our own divinity as expressed by our OWN, true free will. But, as I just said, time will tell! (I hope I didn't scare you with all of this-because that was not my intention). Love and many blessings-Jim


The word "grace" is charged with meaning and may connect us to a deep part of ourselves that is the fountainhead of our spirituality. I offer "grace":

When I look outward and only see the grayness in my life, I have the opportunity to reach within and touch the very fabric of my despair. I encounter first, of course, many different emotions connected with what I perceive to be the problem: anxiety, fear, confusion, anger. And then I dare to do something completely different: I quietly resolve to stay with these feelings and become acquainted. I announce to these feelings that although I may still be afraid, I am too tired to run and I am willing to wonder and yes, finally willing to listen. I slowly drop the shield around my heart and I begin to bare it all. I am so tired of the fight and the old ways of defending myself from myself. The shield drops and I feel so naked and ashamed. Yet I dare to stay and endure. And I feel so much pain and shame. But it is somehow different now, with my shield on the ground. There is something, and I know not what, that makes it possible for me to finally stand without my shield. And although I'm not quite sure what it is, I call it grace. And with grace, I reveal my self to me. And with grace may your self be revealed to you.

Dear Father/Mother: I know not how this goes. I haven't the foggiest notion of who I really am. I have been pretending for ages that You and I are somehow apart. That we have nothing whatsoever in common. That there isn't anything that we could even say to one another. But I've grown weary of this pretense and I say to you: I am now ready to feel Your presence in my life. I am now willing to set aside all notions who I think You are and who I might be. Show me...teach me...and love me. Let me feel the love that radiates from your eternal heart. Let me feel your heartbeat in me. Let me feel the warmth of your touch and the kindness in your smile. And let me see the light in your eyes. Oh Lord bless me and keep me in your heart forever. Amen

Thank you, everyone, for listening to my heart. Jim


Melanie-Thank you for your wonderful reflections on the "mind". You know , many of us on a "spiritual journey" tend to treat the mind as an adversary, or even as the enemy. And many times we perceive our object of focus as the heart; and the heart "is hopefully where the real me resides". And with this perception is the faulty notion that the mind is the enemy of the heart. And that is what happens so often: many times I have thought that the real enemy is the ego of the mind-and so the division occurs between the mind and the heart. So what really is the heart-beyond the blood pumping organ in the middle of the body? For me the real heart, or you could say spiritual heart is a living presence, felt roughly in the area of the physical heart that is touched and affected when, e.g., I hear a deep truth, I see great art, hear wonderful music, or when I am in the presence of a divine spirit (physical or otherwise). Lately, it seems, my heart is affected when I speak or write about the heart or about anything else that is connected with spiritual matters. And when I say that the heart is affected, what I really mean is that I am feeling something in my heart. This experience of feeling and living from the heart is a relatively new experience for me. So, again, there is this tendency to view the mind with a wariness or even suspicion (?). The heart also is the fountainhead of the divine. The living presence of the divine can be felt there; and more to the point, our own divinity can be felt and expressed from the heart. Ultimately, our true identity is of the heart and is divine; and being divine, the mind, our former adversary can be loved and embraced by the heart. So what does God have to do with all of this? Since I'm getting sleepy, I'll have to save it for next time. But thank you so much for sending me your thoughts on the mind. Hope you don't "mind" if I send this to Melissa as I haven't E-mailed her in a while. Much love and many blessings-Dad. (HI! Melis)


Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding "my" writing. You know it's so cool to hang out with the Divine via the spoken or printed word. To finally let the mind do its thing:...da da da; or on some days: blah blah blah, and then to take a vacation from the mind with a little heart. To cultivate the intention, and, if not that, just a little attention....to the heart. And the mind says: never mind about the heart...and to respond with a "heartfelt" "Thank you for sharing". Then, returning once again to the heart. And the heart keeps beating, pumping and supplying; and the Heart keeps nourishing and loving. And again, just a little attention, and appreciation-for the miracle of its Presence. And to notice the Presence...so very precious. Just a short, precious moment to hang out with the Divine.

To Dad, On His Birthday

I remember when we used to go to the cemetery And read the headstones, for fun (I thought it was a fancy park for a very long time) I remember that crazy, Christmas-bulb-headed monster That we strung from the roof and scared lots of kids with (You told me once that Halloween was your favorite holiday) I remember practicing meditating in the backyard, "Think of nothing," you said. (It is still impossible for me to think of nothing), And the time we hugged trees on a Nature Walk, Carrying acorns in our hands. I remember waiting in the alley and watching you grow from a tiny dot To my tall, brown, smiley dad, walking home from the bus stop. And watching you jingle bells behind the house at Christmas when you thought I wasn't looking (or maybe you knew). For I have always been looking at you, And wondering and worrying about you, But mostly, always loving you. And now, being very proud of you, For facing life's truth with unflinching courage, And never being afraid to search the sometimes-dark depths Of the mind, heart, and soul, to reveal the astonishingly bright light within. For your light is very gentle yet very strong, And from my earliest memory it has been present, Forever illuminating the path to the realm of the heart Where you and I share an infinite history.

Dear Melissa-Thank you again for this beautiful, heart-felt message. To be able to communicate this way is quite precious and rare. This kind of communication is what I've longed for my entire life. I agree that we have probably shared many experiences together in past lives. You are so very special to me, and you have come such a long, long way. At such a relatively young age your foundation is so strong! Any way, I feel like I need to share an experience with you regarding a photograph: (Don't worry nothing heavy!-but plenty deep!)


You may have seen a photograph I have next to our bed. I also have a framed copy on the wall. I bought this picture-photograph in a shop in St. Gallen, Switzerland-just after Sheilah and I met for the "first" time. This picture means so very much to me, and I don't know why. But I would like to use some words to convey the deep feelings that come to me every time I look at this picture. The color photograph is of a pair of hands, possibly that of a farmer or a person who works with the earth. The hands are stained and encrusted with dirt. The hands hold and cradle a tiny, pink flower. The flower is so tiny against the brown landscape of the hands. There is something so special and powerful about this photograph. What I am seeing in this picture must be identical to what the man was seeing as he looked into his hands when the photograph was taken. By the roughness of his hands, he must have been a laborer, working so long, so many months, for so many years. And to take the time to notice the flower, and how this man held the flower-with such respect. And his eyes watching the flower in his hands as I am watching the photo and know that this man was watching the same flower. My eyes are watching...His eyes are watching...Something else is going on here...I'm not sure what it might be. Something so close...Closer then the breath...Can't quite see...No words that will quite fit. Could be that I am that laborer, forever tending, cultivating, doing just my part in the vastness of time and space. And to take the time, just a little time,to stop, wonder and behold the miracle of a little flower in the palm of the hand. Just a little time...

Much love, many blessings and may all of your deepest dreams come true, right now! Dad


You know, if you take off the last letter of the word, earth, an "h", and and make it now the first letter, you get "heart". And just to take a little heart, when contemplating the earth. The earth has been such a relentless provider: providing in a very basic way a place to be for everyone and everything that resides here. A place to set ones feet; a place to walk, live, eat and breathe. And a place to pray with a heart that beats and lives in a body that owes so, so much to its human mother and ultimately to Mother Earth. So there's this connection,in a fundamental physical way and in a deeper spiritual way, between Mother Earth and Motherheart. May I learn to respect and cherish my inner Motherheart as I love my greater Mother Earth. Many blessings-Jim


Gentlebear-Thank you for your recent thoughts regarding love and fear. It is somehow easier to describe what love is than to tackle fear. When one has deeply felt love, there appears to be an implied capacity to feel all emotions, including fear. But when it comes to describing fear, words don't come so easily. With love, there is warmth and flow; with fear there is a contraction and sometimes a cessation of awareness. Fear has a "cold edge" to it. There is even a feeling of paralysis in times of intense fear. So what to do with fear; what to do about it? So what has love got to do...got to do...got to do with it? (sorry about that!) I'm really curious about fear. In my life I've had some rather hellish experiences with fear. I would like to approach fear, in a deeply personal way, in the following prayer: Dear Father: This whole subject of fear makes me very uncomfortable. So I would like to begin by placing it in Your hands. I now place all of my fears in your loving hands. Each fear is wrapped in a tiny bundle of paper and string. I know that You will not judge me for having these fears. Please help me to understand my fears. As I look at all of the bundles, I notice that each one is labeled: One reads: "fear of memories", another "fear of lack" and another "fear of the future". Others are more specific: "fear of discovering a dark secret buried inside", fear of speaking to a stranger, fear of having a new experience. Some fears deal with deep issues of shame: fear of showing my face, fear of intimacy, fear of saying what is really on my mind. Other bundles contain fears that are quite strong: fear of the loss of a loved one, fear of pain and disease, fear of death, fear of loneliness and even the fear of knowing God. At this point it seems so overwhelming. So many fears. I don't know where to start, or even if I want to start....But I look at the hands and I know that these are the hands of God...and I begin to trust. As my eyes move from bundle to bundle I feel my fears one by one, spending enough time with each to slowly absorb the depth of feeling associated with each bundle of fear. As I ease into the unique feeling associated with each fear, the bundle loosens, the string breaks and the contents are exposed. (During this process, I am very conscious of my breathing.) As I examine the contents, I feel the contents. I take the feelings of the fear contents into my heart. I remind myself that this profound experience is occurring by the grace of God. And that by allowing God to hold my bundles of fear in His hands, I am demonstrating deep faith and trust in my Father. And that His Spirit will enable me to see, feel and embrace my fears. And that up to this time, these fears have remained, buried deeply within. And finally, somehow, there is a shift...I feel somewhat lighter...I feel more at peace. And to give thanks to my Father for allowing this process, for holding my fears ...just long enough... for me to see...to feel...to touch. Thank you Father for this experience. As I have touched my fears, You have lightened my burden and touched my heart.


Dear Chuck: Thank you for your heart-felt sharing. As I look back over me life, I am confronted with the memories of so many highs and lows. And the lows are dark and very low, and seem to last a lot longer than the highs. And what I would describe as as a high was in reality just a brief break in the lows. Yet I was amazingly functional: had good jobs, married and raised four incredible "children" of light. Yet there was something missing. Rather than embracing life, it seemed that my real mind and heart were far away and I was connecting with this life through, it seemed like, a veil of fog. I remember one day, about ten years ago, I was sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. It was quite foggy as I recall. The fog gave me a rather perverse comfort. I knew that I would not be seen quite so easily by others. In 1989, I left my family after a 17 year marriage. I left because, as someone else once said: "my soul finally cried uncle". There was so much poison, in the relationship with my wife, that it was destroying both of us and causing so much pain in our children. Shortly thereafter, I joined a codependents anonymous group briefly. They give you a booklet at first to determine if you are codependent. I passed for entry with flying colors: I got 9 out of 10 on the indicator scale! After that, I had two relatively healthy relationships with 2 women, each relationship lasted 2 years. Three years ago I met my present wife, who is indeed an incarnate angel. I met her at a spiritual retreat in Switzerland under very unusual circumstances. There was an instant soul recognition and connection. We got married 2 months later. Our relationship has been based on a deep spiritual love and virtually unshakable. Since the divorce from my first wife, I have watched my children confront their pain and fears and emerge as adults-not unlike young plants, growing in wondrous ways, always toward the Light.


So, what again about the highs and lows? Seems like nothing happens during the low periods. Seems like sometimes things are so dark and bleak that there really is no growth. I mean after all, we do need light to grow, right? Right! But I suspect that what may be happening has to do with our perspective at the time. When we are down, from our viewpoint, we are unable to see the light. It does not mean that it is not there. It's just that we are unable to , or more accurately, disinclined to feel anything but our pain. All we are able to feel is the weight of our burden-the magnitude of our pain. And of course, many times, the glue that holds this bundle of burdens together is the drama associated with it. The self indulgent "poor me's', the why me's", "why has God forsaken me's". And I'm not talking about the problem itself, but our cherished attitude we bring to it. And this attitude brings with it an intensely personalized poison that, if totally unmasked might say: Yes, this is my pain, damn it, and it's me. It's painful, but oh so precious, and after all, I'm entitled! This attitude does not want anything to do with the light. Because in the light, it will be discovered and its very existence might be threatened. So what to do with this attitude? Know that it is present in all of us, and is part and parcel of the package that we came into this human existence with. And to acknowledge it with kindness and deep respect.

On this holiest of days, may we rediscover our birthright as children of Light and holders of the Spirit. May we replace our enshrined fears with the the golden light in our hearts. Many blessings to all of you at Motherheart. Love-Jim


I stand as a child before Thee. As I still clutch my worldly toys, I lift my gaze to see Your face. I stare into Your eyes and wonder what you see in me. It hurts so much to bear what You might see in me. But I still stand, afraid to retreat and seemingly unable to move forward. And yet You still see me. There doesn't seem to be any escape or relief from your gaze. Again it hurts so much. But I return Your gaze and begin to see what You see: A child who stands with so much courage-dares to stand and face his creator-with so much wonder. A child who has come so so far, and is now standing at the threshold of his Fathers house. A child who dares not ask for entrance for he does not find himself quite yet worthy. And the Father knows this and feels what the child is feeling. The Father says: I know everything about you: I know that you do not feel quite worthy enough, I know that you do not feel it is quite the right time. And I know that you are still holding onto your toys of the world. I know all of this, yet I still say unto you: I welcome you into my mansion, into my very heart. You have always been welcome here. There is absolutely nothing that you could have done to keep you from my Kingdom. For my Kingdom is truly your Kingdom. And you will soon take your place beside Me. So fear not my gaze upon you. For all I see is truly divine. The child looks again up into the eyes of the father and knows what he must do. The child summons up all of his courage and loosens the grip on his toys. They gently fall to the Earth. And in that moment, he is swept forward into the arms of the Father. He feels the gentle beat of the Father's heart in his own heart. The child is finally home, and gazes with his Father's eyes upon a heavenly realm: Earth viewed through the eyes of God. Peace.


Dear Chuck: Thank you for your kind comments regarding my sharing. And I want to express my blessings to you and your family regarding the recent loss of your two friends. Death is so difficult to fathom, especially that of a child, a close loved one or the death of anyone who dies of a sudden illness or accident. Indeed, a quick exit! And I do not mean to sound trite; but, sometimes the departure is so sudden, so quick and apparently unintended. It's such a shock-an upheaval-so hard to grasp or even attempt to understand. The mind reels-just too, too much. Hard, hard stuff, especially when someone dies who is so close to us. Many times, the nature, pattern or routine of our life is damaged, sometimes it seems beyond repair. And when the damage is very severe, it seems like our lives are shattered. So, so hard. And yet...what else? What else could one possible say. Many things perhaps to soothe or soften the pain. And this would be good. A little topical analgesic would be good and helpful. But what else? Maybe a deeper understanding, a deeper acknowledgement of the feeling of the event and the feelings associated with the life of the person who has left. And to feel the feeling of the life and the death, then the life, then the death... and to bring consciousness to this reflection...to bring heartfelt awareness to this very act. To breathe through the profound feelings of loss and despair. To know that you are breathing and want to bring a fullness and genuineness to this process. And to know deeply that it is not easy; yet to be easy on yourself with this uneasiness. And to remember that grief endures in its own manner and in its own time. And to cultivate a healthy respect for how grief behaves in our hearts. Sometimes it plunges in so sharply; and after it arrives, wants to set up camp for a long, long time. And what to do about grief. Perhaps to be a good host. To acknowledge its presence. To be considerate with its needs. To feel its pain and listen to its sad stories. Grief has a lot to tell us-certainly about the pain in our lives, but also about the sweet preciousness of our lives. Grief, like life and death is so hard to fathom-there is so much depth and mystery in it. To acknowledge this, these basic things...does help. To take these brief truths and questions into your heart...and invite them to stay a while..This will help. Peace be with you-Jim


Heidi: I'm so happy that you were touched by "Surrender". I'm not sure where my writing is going; and I guess that's part of the fun. But I want to go even deeper with it...to maybe a place where words almost loose themselves. Where words surrender their own meanings and in the process reveal more of their themselves; and hopefully more of what the writer is seeking. It's really quite an adventure. One sequence of words followed by another. Thoughts, feelings, references...and always a gentle probing for the Truth. A kind of divine detective work. The probing is the active, volitional part-followed by a kind of sacred space which is filled with the "divine". And this filling process seems to happen by itself, and is often a surprise: an unanticipated "answer". The "answer" is in quotes because it's usually incomplete-more of a clue than an answer. But nonetheless a clue or reference that leads to more clues but somehow always slowly honing in on another undiscovered Truth. And it's doubtful that words will ultimately describe the ultimate Truth. But flirting with Truth is fun. An eventual question: how much courage does it take for a full-time relationship and a real commitment? Time will tell. Anyway, this has been fun! How is your life going? Are you off to Germany soon? Blessings-Jim


Jerry: Thank you for your gift of "Rose" to us. It helped to remind me that all beings are roses: while some are seeds, others are young plants with tiny buds. And still others are in full bloom. And all roses are equally valued and loved by God. Blessings to you. Jim

Dearest Elizabeth: The book you noted in your recent posting, Love Without Conditions, by Paul Ferrini, is indeed a beautiful work. The sequel, just published, is called The Silence of the Heart, is also quite good and comes from the same publisher, Heartways Press. I believe that books like these are so effective because they are a offer a pathway through the mind into the heart. And the author has walked that pathway and can help his readers through the tough parts, the long uphill climbs, the twists and turns, as well as the pitfalls. More to the point, Ferrini is on the path, on Earth, and encourages all of us in very practical ways to not give up, to not loose Heart. He democratizes the process and makes it so accessible and so, so personal. And he leaves enough space between the words for Spirit to grow and take gentle root in our own Hearts.


Elizabeth, you said, and I am paraphrasing, that every difficulty we encounter is an opportunity to choose love to reveal divinity within. I couldn't agree with you more. Taking your words into my Heart, I would like to offer the following dialogue between me and God. And when I say me I am referring to me, jim who resides in my heart along with Me, Jim the Divine part. And please, I do not intend to be presumptuous. I do not mean to imply that this is the only dialogue, the only answer. But your words resonated deeply with me. And my intent in writing to Motherheart is to share as deeply and as personally as possible. You know God, You and I have been having this conversation for so, so long. And I feel at times so inadequate to even carry on a conversation with you. I have lived my life (lives) for such a long, long time. And I have achieved a certain degree of understanding of You, me and Life; a certain wisdom. But realizing and actually manifesting this understanding in my life seems to be so difficult. At times, I really don't know how this goes; at times my problems appear to lack solutions and the pain of it all is relentless. So God, you're the wise One; and when I'm angry at You, I feel like calling you the wise Guy. I feel like blaming you so much for all of my messes. I know I created them, but it seems like you should have thrown me a rope to rescue me a long time ago. So that's where I'm at. God (my divine aspect in my heart): We have been at this a long time, you and me. And please let me clarify some things. Just because you have created "messes", just because you feel inadequate, just because you feel so much pain, does not make you inadequate to receive my Blessing. And it doesn't make you necessarily more adequate. But sometimes, when things appear so difficult, when no one or no thing appears willing to help you in your world, you are more willing to receive my Blessing. And my Blessings reside with your yearnings in your heart. And when your yearnings become Yearnings for Me, your very longings and yearnings for me become Blessings. And to take this deeply into your heart: Your problems are really Blessings in disguise, your problems are experiences to coax you into the Kingdom. And when you would finally dare to give me your problems, to present to me the depth of your pain (your misgivings), to truly reveal your pain to me and you, you will be surprised. You will be surprised because your pain and the depth of your feeling of separation from Me contain the ticket for entry into the Kingdom. To deeply acknowledge, feel the depth and degree of separation, between you and I, with the intent and will to offer yourself to Me. To finally surrender unto Me. To offer yourself as a most treasured offering. For indeed you are; for you are my beloved, and I could never forget you or put you out of my heart. And I would encourage you to loosen your grip on your toys and to turn toward your head toward me. And as your eyes meet mine, I give you all of my love. And as you return my love, you are welcome in my Heart where you will make a grand discovery: That my heart was truly your heart all along. Welcome Home.


Thank you God for these words. Jim Pamela-Welcome. I hope you enjoy your stay here. The nice thing about Motherheart is that you can express anything that is on your mind and in your heart. I understood what you meant by discovering more aspects to yourself. At the beginning of this process, I thought I was one basic personality, and from this one"self", I was trying to love this self with the hope of eventually loving others. But as I have discovered, particularly lately, "I" comprise a whole host of characters, all vying for attention, and all claiming to be the real "self". Not unlike an apartment building with all of the tenants-each insisting that they are the true landlord, or even the owner. Personally, some of these tenants could be described as follows: the gruff father, always criticizing the child for playing too much, not facing responsibility, being lazy,not living up to his expectations. Of course, this father seems more intent of criticizing, then faithfully assuming his own natural role as father. And then the child-and there are several aspects to child: the quiet one who just wants to be held- who can't seem to venture beyond the comfort of his blanket to explore his world; the comic child who pokes fun at himself and others. His function is to balance and defuse the anger, rage, or even depression of the other tenants. Like all tenants, he has low self- esteem, and only Reacts to the personalities of others. Then there's the angry child, and I see him in my mind as a mischievous little tyke, decked in combat attire and armed with a very convincing arsenal. Although one time he confided that his bullets were made of rubber and could never really hurt anyone. And then there's the whiny child, who constantly complains that he never gets to do what he wants to do. One of my "adult" personalities is this "spiritual" older guy who maintains that he always has the answer. However, he invariably points in another direction: a new metaphysical book, another workshop, a "new" guru. Then there's the weary adult, who can barely make it through the day, who basically wants to lay down and die. He has had his day, he has seen prophets come and go. The apartment is still noisy, there is still no peace of mind. The police still have to be called out on Saturday night! And then there's another guy who maintains that he is the only true tenant-the owner in fact. And once everyone finally listens to "Him", everything will be just fine. He purports to be quite wise, and knows what's best for everyone. He says that he loves everyone. But this is a lie. He has a hidden agenda: He says to himself: when these people truly change, I will truly love them. Well then, what to do with these characters? All of these characters, pop up during the course of any day, and pretend to be in charge, to expound on the wisdom of the moment. So, what to do about all of this? Actually it's a hell of a discovery-to find that we are, or at least I've discovered myself to be, not one basic personality, but an entire motley crew. Maybe, one night I forgot to lock the door of my mind and this traveling carnival happened to be in town. They saw the light on, and tramped in to claim their respective quarters!. Anyway, here they are. What to do now? Another interesting question, who is writing these words right now? To be as honest as possible, I'm not quite sure. Maybe in part, the last character that I described: the one who "has all of the answers". But also, maybe in part, a more divine aspect, maybe more of an Owner than a tenant. So again, what to do. I suppose it depends on who's talking! Most of the tenants would probably prefer to keep things the same-that way they could keep their identities intact. They might profess a willingness to change, maybe even tidy up a bit, go to counseling for a while, lose a little weight, jog in the park, even sign for a cool self-help workshop over an extended weekend. But real change--na! Not very likely. Not if it involves changing. I must go now. But I promise to continue this dialogue in the next E-mail. Blessings-jim I wanted to finish up on my last E-mail (Unconditional Love). We encounter, therefore, many aspects of self as we journey through our day and our lifetime. As I have described, they are not unlike unruly tenants, all claiming to represent the sole truth and many times claiming to be the apartment owner. Again, what to do?


Prayer: Although your physical dwelling may be in disarray, know that your spiritual house is in perfect order. Although your mind may be overrun with unwanted characters, know that your true divine self is alive and resides peacefully in your heart. And again what to do to restore order, to gain peace of mind, to acquire a balanced life with your divine self at the helm?...Greet each character, aspect of self, every mood or emotion with wonder and curiosity. Ask each aspect what it really wants. Begin a little dialogue...and you will be surprised what follows. The blocks soften and the gaps narrow. The space between you and them will be felt. And as you turn to them and touch them with your heart, the tension will ease. And you will find that that's all they ever wanted-just a little heart-felt attention. The fear is, of course, in acknowledging them you will give them power, that they will become more unruly, dangerous or even create such a low, depressing energy that life will truly become unbearable. But the truth is that in opening your heart to them, they will open their hearts to you. And the softening and integration of aspects heralds the emergence of our true identity- the divine self finally felt in the inner kingdom of our heart. And to remember that gentleness and patience are important in the attitude that you bring to this process. And of course to remember that this is one of an infinite number of ways and attitudes to bring to your life, to ease the tension, to make life more meaningful and enjoyable. Many Blessings-Jim Linn: I'm so happy to hear that you are here and happy now. It is really uncanny how life can appear so bleak one moment, and so beautiful the next. Sometimes, removing ourselves from our routines, like your trip to Poland, can provide the opportunity to gain a fresh, new perspective.I would like to offer this prayer:

God, may you be in our hearts as we walk through our days. May you provide the wisdom for us to learn to to speak slowly from our hearts instead of glibly from our minds. May we feel the comfort and reassurance that your warm presence provides. May we consider ourselves worthy for your grace. And may we cultivate the acceptance to see and feel the effects of grace in our lives. Many Blessings to you, Linn.......from Jim Barbara- thank you for your kind and insightful reply. I would like to share these words with you: To have the curiosity and courage to go beneath the surface, beneath what appears to be, is to truly be a spiritual warrior. To face your demons with a discerning eye and a warm heart, is to take the high and the quick road to the Divine. And to turn to these inner beings and to treat them as long lost children, to treat them with loving respect and to greet them with open arms. And to know that in embracing your inner children, you are inviting your own self home: you are integrating all of your aspects to be finally whole once more. And to know that in this process there is nothing to fear: that your heart has the grace and capacity to love all of "yourselves".


Wanted to respond to your recent E-mail to Motherheart. I salute you for being so bold to admit your loneliness..and other things that you shared. Sometimes, it is so hard to be "spiritual" or to even pretend". Especially when things appear to be so tough and without a solution. Sometimes a grand resignation is in order. And here is what I mean: To finally reach a point in the story (your life, my life) when frustration is so high, that you voluntarily resign from your role as the author. To voluntarily submit to a higher authority: God: the Inner Self who has the wisdom to make the best choices. To say something like: God, I'm not sure even if you exist, but if you do, please hear these words: I now release my control of life and turn it over to your divine understanding. And in so doing, I am participating in a divine partnership that cannot fail. All of my problems and particularly my attitudes about my problems I turn over to you, dear Lord. And as my problems are sacrificed (made sacred), divine solutions appear. Thank you Lord.

Elayne-If you wish, take these words deep into your heart. And please, these are the words that came to me--and use any of them as you see fit. May peace be with you. Love-Jim

Judith and Frederick-Thank you for your heart-felt reply. I do not have anything already written on this subject, but I will gladly offer the following:


God created so many religions or venues for people of various cultures to connect and commune with a Presence beyond their everyday understanding. And the principal religions could be thought of different boxes with compartments defining denominations or sects. Certainly this is understandable and actually quite practical: The Word of God is translated into a particular culture, through a particular language, to the ear and heart of an individual worshiper. The fabric of the culture and the language become the medium for the Message or the Word. And certainly the intrinsic value of religion remains undisputed: It provides an important value system to add integrity and continuity to the family unit, the community and a particular nation. Even more profoundly, it provides a route to the divine; an entry point to explore both the cosmos and the most intimate relationship between a human being and his/her Creator. Religion seen in this light is most positive. However a difficulty arises when one's attention comes to the nature of the boxes and the compartments (the churches and the sects).

The walls that contain the greatest, most well-intentioned houses of worship create a separation: between the sacred and the secular, between the chosen and the unchosen, between the saved and the unsaved, and yes, ultimately between us and them. And to understand that every religion was created with intent to share with others a particular path-a path to the divine. But whenever a path is posited as the sole path-an even greater barrier is built. And to take this into one's heart to not judge what has happened-but just to understand it a little better. To ultimately discover that all paths are equally valid; for paths are not the Truth, but ways and windows to the Divine. And these windows may be vastly different: some colored, some dense and opaque, others crystalline-and still others-quite open to the sky! But Truth is Truth, and it matters little the nature of the path or the nature of the ascent. For we are all so vastly different that we need different routes, methods and ways to encounter the Divine.

So I take all of this into my heart and proclaim: I am on a journey, as are all children of God. I seek God in my heart as the most direct route for me. And as I greet the people in my life, I honor them, as fellow seekers. I let the differences and barriers fall. I allow the Divine in me to to Light my heart to Light my path.


The journey into the heart does not have to be difficult or intricate. It is not about a journey into thoughts-but certainly thoughts or feelings can initiate the process. So just to take some thoughts as kindling to start a small fire in the heart; to create a little warmth and light; to just see what might happen:

The heart of my Beloved, my Father/Mother is so, so vast. How could I know it all? How could I even glimpse some of the Love. And it is really not so much a question of how, but rather when. For when when is Now, and some willingness is permitted, all is ready for the Divine to enter. The Divine is so close to us, closer than our every breath; closer than every beat of our heart. And then why does It elude us? And again , it is not so much a question of why. For when why is now, the question becomes: Why not now? And with a little willingness to engage the Divine on its own turf, in the domain...of the Heart. To finally surrender...and fall into the Heart...to finally fall into the Love of the heart.

All intimate relationships we have had with other people have been practice sessions to ultimately engage the Divine. And in these moments we have felt glimpses of the divine love. How wondrous it would be to fall in love directly with the Divine: to drink a love potion, an elixir from the heart of the divine. How much could I receive, how much to surrender? And in this surrendering to cultivate a courtship with the divine: so that there is a living memory of the Divine in the mind, as well a profound , tender "carrying" of the Divine in the Heart. So in your relationships with others, as you glimpse the Divine, know that you are deeply and profoundly engaging the Divine. And the Divine uses our Hearts as a medium of exchange-an exchange of Divine Love. And in you relationship with your self, know that your heart is the fountainhead of the Divine. And as you engage, surrender and merge with the Divine, you are the Divine.


Frederick-Thank you for your article. I agree with you. Undoubtedly, there are many times more women that are serving men than men serving women. I once attended a workshop where the men sang a song of love and forgiveness to the women for all of the unjust actions that men had ever committed against women through the ages. This was a very powerful gesture. I remember that I cried. The women also sang a song to the men for love and forgiveness as well. I would like to expand on your thoughts of service. For me personally, I aspire to primarily serve my heart. And again, for me personally, the heart is a place where my divine spirit lives. And again, for me personally, as I "progress" on the spiritual path, the indwelling divine spirit is felt more deeply and becomes more personal. And this spirit, which was once only faintly felt in a "house of God", feels much more lively and natural as I live my life and take my "church" with me into my daily life. I have found that as I serve my heart more and more, I am able step aside and let the spirit in my heart serve others more and more. And at first I thought that I would lose my will or freedom. I have found, however, that my heart knows what’s best for me and others. And it is a very joyful and wise heart! When I dare to follow my heart, I find that my actions benefit everyone. I find this particularly true in relating with my wife. As I serve my heart, my heart serves my beloved wife-and with this, a loving depth is created that sustains and nourishes the relationship. Personality differences arise as ripples on the surface of a pond. But the depth of the pond prevents the ripples from becoming waves. Thank God! And I do.


To encounter the Mother in the physical is certainly to have a glimpse of the divine; a look into the infinite; into the purist love and compassion. And for me, to encounter a Master in one's lifetime carries a double message: The first one is that how blessed am I to see a Master and how fortunate to receive a blessing. And the second message is a little troublesome: Masters seem to be so scarce these days-or really any days. And this being the case, what chance do I have? And so this thought is what the mind presents to me. And to take this thought into the heart to see what might be revealed:

The mind is so clever and deft at avoiding the inevitable. And the inevitable, ultimate experience is to be embraced by the divine. Masters on earth are akin to spiritual role models-not to be put on pedestals to be worshiped. They mirror the divinity in us. And certainly Mother Meera has demonstrated that her infinite compassion is tangible when one is in her physical presence; and also that her presence is felt beyond time and space. And when we offer anything to the Mother, when we extend deep gratitude to her, we, indeed, open our hearts a little more to ourselves and others. And in this opening our divinity is revealed in a pathway that is created between the heart of the Mother and the heart of ourselves. And what price do we pay for this opening? The ego self is extinguished little by little in exchange for the appearance of the divine, little by little. And it does feel like a death as we continue to "dissolve". But as the light in us grows and glows, the mourning is softened, and the soft glow of the early morning is felt. We are all awakening at our own unique pace to give final birth to the God-Goddess within. And to ask again: "What chance do I have?" You have infinite chances: In each moment a chance and a choice is presented. To become consciously aware that an opportunity to engage the divine presents itself moment by moment is immensely helpful. And again to surrender the self sweetly and slowly in exchange for the Divine as each moment arises.


I would like to say something about kindness. As I look at my past, kindness was a word I was very uncomfortable with. I looked upon acts of kindness as acts of obligation, or as a way of fulfilling a particular moral duty. But now, it is somewhat different: kindness is less of an action or something that is decided upon, and more of something that just appears-perhaps even an aspect of the Divine. So I take a little kindness into my heart, just to see what might be revealed:

When the Heart of the Divine opens, it sees and knows everything about us. It looks us head-on, and invites us, again and again into its depthless love. And when the Heart of the Divine is revealed in us, it sees and knows with profound kindness. Kindness is soft. Kindness is understanding. And kindness is unquestionably forgiving. Kindness is a child of Divine Love. Kindness was born with a mission to acquaint us in small, personal ways with the presence of its beloved Mother. Kindness is an emissary of love and dispenses love in doses we can receive. Kindness is the child, waiting to be received.

And the Heart of the Divine is not relegated exclusively to special people or sacred places. As I dare to explore within and wonder about myself, the Heart of the Divine is revealed in me. I finally dare to realize that I can partake of the Divine and reveal love and kindness in my own special way. And as I reveal the Divine in myself, it is revealed in everyone around me. I begin to notice kindness in all manner of places during my day: In the gentle and careful walk of a grandfather, in the hands of his daughter who bathes her child, in the eyes of her child who plays with her toy, and even in the splash of water as it greets the air. To an open heart, all kinds and manners of kindnesses are revealed. Kindness is a touch, a look, a greeting and even a goodbye. Kindness is an invitation to explore beyond a hint, into the great expanse of Divine Love. Feel her presence, hear her call...welcome the embrace of the Divine Mother, your Mother.

Jim Keller jkell@earthlink.net